As a #girlmom of both a 5 year old and a 13 year old, I’m right in the thick of the “testing” phase” from both my bundles of joy. I openly admit often times I find myself repeating a request more times than I can track. But despite the everyday struggles of trying to convince a teenage to actually get out of bed in the morning, or a 5 year old to focus on consuming her breakfast instead of just sitting at the table squandering those precious morning rush minutes, I can say for certainty (outside of course of the expected mom struggles such as “Oh my gosh, did you hear me ask you to get up 15 minutes ago?!”) my kids really do listen to me when it matters (i.e. not involving food or sleep). BUT we didn’t just magically wake up in that place, it took dedication and I’d like to share what I know with you.
How do you build a relationship with your child that makes them respect you? Quite often I’ve witnessed parents who demand respect by making statements such as “Because I am your Father and I said so.” Or “As long as you’re under my roof…” The catch is, you can’t actually “make” a person do anything, even your child. The key to success lies in building a two way relationship with your child in which they feel respected and know the appropriate way to treat others by learning from your example.
The same as with adults, children have their own set of thoughts, feelings and emotions and those aren’t always tied to logic. Personally, I’ve witnessed many moments where my daughter absolutely looses her mind over a pair of shoes. (Ok, I may have actually lived through some of those moments myself so no judging.) As a logical adult, we all know loosing it because you can’t find the exact pair of shoes you have your heart set on isn’t going to solve the problem. As a parent, you have two choices when faced with your child’s Cinderella dilemma: shut it down and move on or talk thru it. More than likely, you’re going to have to move on and leave the lost shoe behind because mornings are rough enough by themselves, and that’s before the case of the missing shoe scavenger hunt.
But what’s important in this instance is to come back to the situation later, when cooler heads prevail and discuss what went wrong, how it could be prevented, and the best way to handle that type of situation in the future. These are the moments which allow you to grow forward with your child, earn their respect, and lay the foundations necessary for preventing future struggles.
Want to hear more of my advice on gaining your child’s respect? Check out this 1 minute exert of Dr. Nekeshia Hammond and I discussing R.E.S.P.E.C.T. (come on, you know you sang it that time) on her show Parenting Explained with Dr. Hammond.
The above show show is currently airing in Washington DC on Mondays 7:30am EST, Wednesdays 10:30am EST, and Fridays 2:30pm EST with the airing schedules for Tampa and New Mexico to be announced. Or, you can check out this show and more on Dr. Hammond’s YouTube channel.
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Enjoy the journey, the future is in our hands!